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i keep thinking about it. that horrible night. i don't know why. maybe because we're reading about rape in criminal justice. maybe because i'm torn whether to tell andy. maybe because i'm afraid that i'm blaming my timidness to touch on that night. am i just making excuses? did it really affect me that much?

why do i still cry about it? why do i feel so alone sometimes?

gravity

don't you just love when you are thinking about something or someone and then the thing happens or that person calls? i love that.

i know it's kinda weird, but sometimes i tell myself that if a song comes up on my ipod on shuffle then something will happen. today i was thinking that if gravity by john mayer came up something good would happen with andy. he just brought be a flower and some chocolate cake because he felt like it. and then gravity came up on pandora. not kidding.

i just thought i should document this moment. :)

also,

things change and i'm ok with that.

THANK YOU

sam for always just making everything everything seem ok.

andy for making my heart skip a beat and giving me something to look forward to.

shit on toast.

i just want to fucking run already. how does slipping on ice and falling on my ass turn into 5 weeks of inactivity? so frustrating.

i'm so tired right now. i should be asleep but i just want to do this. i went to illinois this weekend and probs got 10 hours of sleep b/w 2 days and for me that's not enough (it wasn't 5 each night). my face is breaking out again and sam and i can't afford our dreams. poop.

i also hate complaining so much.