i'm really bad at saying things. for no reason, too. i just wait and wait until it's far more awkward than it should be because maybe it wouldn't have been awkward at all in the first place.

i need space. i used to be a fun, independent woman who party hopped and was flexible and went where the night took me. but now i feel stuck. i dread the weekends in a way because it means i don't have an excuse to not want you to spend the night. because i will have to lie and say i'd rather spend time with you than go to a party and get shit faced. i freaking love getting shit faced. and you don't understand that. i tried to tell you. and i thought we talked. but now you are back to making me feel guilty about going out without you. YOU DON'T LIKE PARTIES. you say you do, but whenever you go it's obvious you aren't having fun. Your feelings get hurt when i go to parties. so either you go with me, and then i don't have fun because you don't have fun, or i don't get to go to parties and you are happy. there's a problem here. you offended me last night. i paid for you to get into the buffalo and you fell asleep at the table. that is just plain rude. i was there trying to spend time with hilary and you took away from our time. we were both distracted and neither one of us had a good time. i need to be able to go out without you. i like being around a lot of people. i like being spontaneous. i don't want to be one of those couples who has to do everything together. i have this idea of a perfect relationship: we have planned date nights or stay in nights one night a weekend and i get to spend the other night with other friends to keep up those ties. i don't know if that's allowed in a relationship. if not, maybe i'm not ready then. i think i've lost a lot of friendship ties this year. sam is amazing and beautiful and is hanging out with rugby and lacrosse people more than me. she parties with my old crew and i don't. why can't we party together?