a lot has happened.

a lot happens. a lot will happen.

i'm so sorry celia. i'm sorry for not knowing you better, for honestly not even really remembering you were in new zealand. for not knowing you were doing amazing research about iron in volcanic plumes. for not knowing you liked to dance in the kitchen. for never having been to your house even though you lived near greenlake. for never going to to all the amazing awesome things you invited me to. for signing off on skype one time when you were in england because i didn't know what to say to you. for not being as close as you and sheena and jacquelyn were. for not being more like a sister let alone like a cousin. for not writing a thank you note for your christmas present this year. for everything.

i really want to get away. from everyone. from everything. i've lost my coolness; i'm not cool anymore. i'm so fricking unsure of myself all the time. i had lunch with andy today and he frickin bought me flowers yesterday but when i called him after my bike ride and he didn't ask me what i was doing later i immediately thought that he was mad at me or something. that i said something during lunch or that i'm an idiot or that i'm ugly and he all of a sudden decided that he didn't like me anymore. what the eff david blaine? and i want to text him but feel that if i do i will seem like an insane obsessed freak. is it ok to text him all the time? should i be able to go an entire afternoon and evening combined without communicating? bleh.