Tuesday, June 30, 2009

i want to interact with other humans not preprogrammed money machines.

i don't understand the world sometimes. or the people in it. i don't comprehend how much hatred and malice can coexist with such beauty and purity. How can war and corruption and consumption take place while at the same time, in a quiet forest, a baby fern can unfurl with such grace, not asking for anything?

Why do humans need so damn much? Or further, why do I feel I need so much sometimes? Why can't I stop consuming, stop caring about what they tell us, stop that pressure that crushes our morals? Why do I get upset about buying the smallest thing but want everything so badly? I think I hate Bellevue. I hate what it stands for, what people are proud of here. I hate the reputation it gives me, that i inhereted, that i can't scrub off. My hands are stained for greed I did not commit to. I don't want cute clothes, i don't want to work for gap. i don't want to be stared at for riding my bike. i don't want to think about my body. i want to live.

i want to interact with other humans not preprogrammed money machines.

i just don't understand.

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